Thursday, 19 February 2009

Starbucks Apologises for Telling the Truth

I wonder if whatever wasp buzzing round Dolly's unthink-box has abandoned its host for a meatier victim: Mandelson seems to have boiled his onion, frittered his wig and buttered his Cholmondley over Schultz of Starbuck's comment that the UK economy is spiralling (which it is). For having dared to state "Unemployment, the subprime mortgage crisis specifically in the UK, and I think consumer confidence in the UK is very, very poor," Schultz was four-lettered by a foul-mouthed, foaming 'Business' - what is he? Secretary or Expert? I forget - 'person' who then went on to demand: 'how the hell are [Starbucks] doing?'
Then, as a final piece of jaw-dropping insanity, he asserted: "The UK is not spiralling, although I have noticed that Starbucks is in a great deal of trouble. But that may be because of their overexposure given the state of the market. So please do not project Starbucks on to the UK economy as a whole."
It seems that Mandelson's moved on from a low-grade factitious disorder to full-blown Munchausen's, the same illness that's afflicting the entire Front Bench. One wonders if Mandelson's going to be spending a lot of 'time with his family' as Brown's ship sinks with only one hand on board - the captain.


  1. Love it. Throat-cuttingly elegant. I'm a follower!

  2. It's because the UK population has moved from drinking coffee to drinking meths, because Vlad Mandelson has impaled us all on the Spike of Destitution.

    I cannot believe he apologised. He should have restricted his repsonse to a few rapid swings of a cricket bat with nails driven through it, followed by a face-bath of salt water.

    I wouldn't have been that restrained, but then I'm of Italian stock and you know what we're like.

  3. Thank you, Ted: I was feeling particularly vengeful when penning said elegance...
    The apology rather reminded me of the final scenes of Scent of a Woman, in which the unpopular head tries to persuade young Charles to snitch on the other boys. Unfortunately, we are lacking in an Al Pacino-esque moral force to rebut such pathetic, weak, grovelling, abject, inappropriate, desperate, ill-conceived (I've run out of appellatives) behaviour on the part of Starbucks. Is Mandelson going to start handing out gold stars to liars?


Life is to be lived, not controlled, and humanity is won by continuing to play in face of certain defeat -Ralph Ellison