Sunday, 22 February 2009

Goody Goody

Jade 'Go Home Mrs Poppadum' Goody's wedding is turning into such a media circus that the arrival of frenzied clowns and Max Clifford in a fright wig is imminent. The 'Big Brother' 'winner' is tying the knot (two sons in hindsight) today, and is apparently being paid millions for the photographs of the happy event.
In a rare show of candour which, when contrasted with the Front Bench's extraordinary ability to take avoid any kind of truth-telling whatsoever, Goody has stated that she's trying to get the maximum amount of money possible out of the media for her children's futures. We've already been treated to the information that she has a special concealed pocket in her wedding dress for her painkillers and that she's determined to walk down the aisle.
Why should we care? Really? Why is this 'news' dominating the headlines when the US has fired two missiles into Pakistan this week? Though impending Armageddon is unlikely - the most zealous of Islamic fanatics is unlikely to convince his countrymen to turn their entire nation into a smoking ashtray - it merits more discussion than the fact that Tweed left his house dressed in women's underwear (presumably his clinically stupid attempt at humour), or was wearing a blue tracksuit with the number '3' emblazoned on it when he rocked up at the wedding venue.
It is sad that Goody's dying at such a young age. No-one denies that the cutting short of a life is disquieting both for the victim and for the onlooker's perceptions of their own mortality. But beyond that fact, I don't care. I don't see why the taxpayer is having to pay for a police presence at this wedding.
I don't see why someone who is as dumb as a cupboard, who doesn't even know what country Cambridge is in and bawls racist spleen at the top of her lungs, is suddenly receiving condolence messages from Gordon Brown. Is he making cancer care in hospitals a priority? Is he sending personal messages to the families of leukaemia victims who don't happen to be famous  (or indeed to the families of the 1.4 million Iraqis whom he, with his government, have been complicit in murdering)? Did he stand up in Parliament and demand that cancer sufferers be given the best drugs regardless of the cost? 
And why should Goody's appalling boyfriend, who beat up someone with a golf club and managed to evade a prison sentence, be 'let off' to consummate the marriage? Are other prisoners shown such extraordinary leniency? It seems not. Far from being 'tough on the causes of crime' - and Tweed is one of them - the 'Justice' minister has created a dangerous precedent by giving into the wishes of two frankly appalling creatures who have played the sympathy card and won.
Fittingly enough, Crimewatch presenter Nick Ross was seen arriving at the venue along with many other so-called celebrities paying 'tribute' to 'brave Jade'. Tribute to what? To ignorance? To moronic behaviour? To criminality? To bad breeding, worse education and abhorrent values? To an entire lack of morals and ethics? To the dumbing down of the nation in which feral savages like these who, fifty years ago would have been slammed into Borstal and hopefully never see the light of day, are now seen as role models? How many parents would really, honestly turn to their children and say 'when you grow up, I want you to be just like her?' Far be for me to ever advocate press censorship, but I'm all for tabloid muzzling when it comes to making gold out of dross.


  1. It's the ultimate in bad taste reality broadcasting!

  2. Funny, I used to think the news reality TV... how naive of me.

  3. We have stooped too low. Would people really rather see that on Sky News all day rather than actual news?

  4. Yes, I think they would: in an effort to engage the fleeting concentration of the terminally stupid, our news channels now seem to think that the fact Rihanna's been beaten up by her boyfriend is 'news'. While I do feel sorry for the girl - domestic violence is hellish, and hopefully she'll actually become a spokesperson on behalf of those women who feel so degraded and traumatised that they put up with it - I think it should be saved for the kind of magazines you find at the Boots' checkout.
    In short, we need to return to justified elitism in this country. To encourage not 'common as muck' behaviour, but decorum. 'Niceness'. People should aspire to send their children to where they can get the best possible education, rather than trying to turn Eton into the local comprehensive. Good manners, tact and dignity should become the watchword, rather than feral screams, glottal grunts and thinking a Friday night consists of shagging a random bloke in the bogs and having your stomach pumped. Making such stories part of the mainstream news - making the common newsworthy - demonstrates how little there is to aspire to.

  5. "consummate the marriage"? Can you do this in advance? If it fails to happen will it mean the marriage becomes void and he loses his legacy from the Mrs.?
    Sadly, 80% of The British people see this whole media hype as some fairy tale. As for Brown and Labour , the Twats would endorse mass murder if they thought they should. Oooh, er, yh'mmm................
    I'm off in the garden. (Under gardener)

  6. I'm surprised the 'Establishment' is even celebrating this marriage, being that they're so against the idea of tying the knot in the first place.
    80% of the British people will indeed see this as a fairytale, but this is because 80% of the British people is thick. Their average IQ is 100. They believe what they're told to believe. That is why I fear democracy.
    I think I might go and dig a trench for myself in the garden; it would be entirely more peaceful - that is, if they don't slap me with an ASBO for it. (See this:

  7. Why is this 'news' dominating the headlines when the US has fired two missiles into Pakistan this week?

    I think you just answered your own question Mara!
    We are all losing our shirts, the Prime Minister is losing the plot, and the media have artfully contrived to ensure that we are all - allegedly - concentrating on Jade losing her hair.
    No accident, methinks.
    I do like the irony of documenting Jade's dying on Living TV, an inspired choice.

  8. Is it really being shown on Living TV? Oh, exquisite. Of course, the creatures who watch it avidly wouldn't 'get' it. What a ghastly nation? Where else would the masses envy a felon? This is why I hate-hate-hate being told that I'm 'just like everyone else' and that people are 'just like me'. They're not and I'm not! I *don't* have the IQ of a blocked nostril, I don't believe one should leave that a publically confessional life, and the height of my aspirations is not to be a Big Brother winner. There is no dignity of difference.


    Poor Ms Goody, everyone’s creation but her own.

    "Feeling funny in my mind, Lord,
    I believe I’m fixin’ to die, fixin’ to die, fixin’ to die
    Feeling funny in my mind, Lord
    I believe I’m fixin’ to die, fixin’ to die, fixin’ to die
    Well, I don’t mind dying
    I just hate to leave my children crying."

    Poor Mr Peter Bazalgette, the great-grandson of the man who made the sewers made the Big Brother House and in the Big Brother House he made poor Cameron, the gay Orkney fishmonger, now in Highland pantomimes, and he made poor Ms Goody, now nearly no more.

    Poor Mr Max Clifford, publicist to Mr Frank Sinatra and maybe other gangsters, made poor Ms Goody, now nearly no more

    Poor Ms Shelpa Wotsit, a gushing airhead by any other name, her crimson talons dipped in communal bowls of slop, creating ethnic cuisine for the housemates, made poor Ms Goody, now nearly no more.

    "Well there’s black smoke a-rising Lord,
    A-rising up above my head, up above my head
    Well there’s black smoke a-rising Lord,
    A-rising up above my head, up above my head
    Tell Jesus, make up my dyin’ bed."

    Poor Mr Devil’s Kitchen, firebrand radical blogger, ho hum, as if politics provided insufficient material for his limping vision, made poor Ms Goody, now nearly no more.

    Poor Mr Old Holborn, contrarian, made poor Ms Goody, now nearly no more.

    Poor Mr Murdoch, poor Mr Richard Littlecock, poor Mr Kelvin McCunt; poor Mr&Mr Barclay, OpinionsRus, they all made poor Ms Goody, now nearly no more.

    Poor Mr Gordon Snot; poor Mr Jack Torture; poor Frau Schmidt, stuttering, lisping and lying, they all made poor Ms Goody, now nearly no more.

    "Look over yonder, to that burying ground
    Look over yonder, to that burying ground
    Sure seems lonesome,
    Lord, when that Sun goes down."

    Sweet fucking Jesus, what sort of a place is this, what sort of country, what sort of people are we that, po-faced, we find reasons to kick the dying.

    Je touche le chapeau a M. Bukka White et a toute les Mississippiens mort et sans le visibilite, mais non a le commentariat stupide et insensible.

  10. Oh, for God's sake: she's not Norma Jean; her fanbase is entirely hypocritical. Two months ago, they foul-mouthed her; now they've elevated her to sainthood. She's a revolting creature with the IQ of a cupboard.


Life is to be lived, not controlled, and humanity is won by continuing to play in face of certain defeat -Ralph Ellison